Thursday, February 16, 2017

turning 20

I turned 20 yesterday.

Do I feel big yet? Quite, I must say. Do I feel like I'm growing up too fast? Very. I remember a decade ago I used to wonder and ponder on thoughts how will I live my life when I'm 18... 19... and the number goes on. Do I encounter ridiculous problems while transitioning myself into adulthood? Who doesn't??  Have I found the love of my life yet? Idk this one. The guy that I had been 'spying' on is already taken by his own best girl friend hahahaha let's take some moments to mourn over my sadness. Padan muka.

It's the new semester and I should solely focus on lectures, tutorials, assignments, tests, quizzes.... and whatnot...

Oh wow this is how being 20 feels like.

Currently hungry by the way. Maybe I need some burgers...

Monday, January 30, 2017


I realized that I hutang myself a lot. And by 'hutang', what I meant is I haven't treat myself with the good food that my tummy had been craving since forever. Do you get the metaphor that I'm trying to imply here? Hihihi.

Can't even remember when was the last time I let the worms in my tummy feasting over sushi. Hence, the tummy wants sushi. The heart also wants sushi. The heart also wants you. Eh, apeni apeni.

The last I recalled I had eaten ais-krim gula apong was back in March or April 2016 (?) nah idk but it surely is a very longgg time. Now that I can hear the inner of my heart softly yet brutally begging for me to grab a few buckets of ais-krim gula apong and bloat myself to death. *wipes drool*

Please read the sentence below in a very serious and stern voice:

Asides from food, I do have other passions.

Such as... travelling! But the financial status is not quite mengizinkan for the time being therefore maybe I'll just go explore the nearest places in town. I actually had all of the places in mind already tho. (I wrote them in my notebook tapi entahla lepas habis exam notebook tu hilang dibawa angin lalu.)

A bunch of close friends will do. A driver will do. Ok masalahnya sekarang sape nak drive? *cursing myself for not being brave enough to drive on road although I've got my driving license already*

Totally going to settle these when I'm back in Kuching!

Hutang makan, hutang travelling, hutang pointer tak mencapai target oops terbocor rahsia pulak.

Belum tambah lagi dengan hutang akhirat :')


omg help

Thursday, January 19, 2017

broken promises

Remember the promise I made that I'll be consistently active writing on my blog? I think I had it broken already.

(Muka tak bersalah) hihihihi

The purpose of me wanting to re-live my blog again is so that one day when I have sooo much free time lol (which is quite impossible) I will be reading through all those rants and be thankful to myself because;

Number 1: I actually made time to record the rants for future references hahaha k
Number 2: Memories
Number 3: Idk

That's it. I haven't write any essays for a verrrry longgg time hence it's wise to say that I'm currently out of vocabularies which is tremendously awful because I've been deciding to enroll Academic English 2 on next semester ok mari menangis.

Talking about semester, it had been a roller coaster ride since day one of my degree study. Let that sink in for a while... Maybe we'll go deeper into that next time since I'm on my sem break hihihi

Sem break = Campus life? What's dat?? Idek idek

Tbh I was quite devastated during the half remaining of 2016 because someone broke his promises hahahahaha shouldn't be mentioning this thing here ok ok I should stop instantly.


Nak kena tunggu emosi stabil baru dapat tulis perkara bermanfaat. Kot.


Thursday, August 25, 2016

after a long hiatus

I decided to leave my blog for a while since I was so occupied with a lot of things going around. Mana nak pergi belajar driving, balik kampung, getting ready the borang and stuffs for the degree intake and I suddenly realized that I had consumed a lot of my time jeng jeng jeng now that I'm on the next level of education.

BTW I MANAGED TO GET MY DRIVING LICENSE!! Woohooo! (The truth is I failed my first JPJ test attempt so I had to take another one.)

The degree course intake result was out a day after I arrived from kampung. Being too tired due to the long journey... I woke up at 9am... Apa punya anak dara ni? Heheh. Then I checked my phone and blurghhh there were a lot of notifications coming form my Whatsapp!

"Guys result dah keluar guys!"

"Nombor semakan dia kena guna sms guys."

"Guys korang dapat course apa guys??"

"Korang dah cek ke guys?"

So I went freezing, my heartbeat couldn't get any calmer. Slowly I began to follow the procedures; dapatkan nombor semakan and suddenly I was already logged in to UNIMAS official website.


Monday, June 20, 2016

my dad

He woke up that morning and did his usual morning routine. Early bath early in the morning? Not a big deal. He wore a three quarter jeans which he had already wear for almost a... week? Heh. He really didn't bother wearing the same pants over and over again not until my mom instructed;

"Let me wash that pants!! It's smelly already! How come you not smell it?!" Then only he will change to another pants and wear it for a couple of days (again) until my mom insisted to wash it. *repeats process* Lol.

He loves his car, realllly. Whenever he has free time in the morning or maybe in the evening after work, he will spend his time washing and membelai manja his baby car. Which often lasted for more than an hour. That's how devoted he is to his car, pure love.

Yesterday morning, instead of spending time with his baby car, he swept the garage! He swept the front door! He also cleaned the standing fans! And then he cooked some dishes! Uh well he actually 'recooked' the udang masak sos that I had cooked for dinner in the previous night. My dad, when it comes to cooking... Wallah! He has magic hands indeed. Which is a talent that I didn't manage to inherit. Huhu. He recreated the udang masak sos into something very creamy but still with udang and shredded chicken in it.

Dia ni guna bahan apa buat lauk ni creamy-creamy? Guna tepung ke? Tak nampak pun sisa-sisa tepung atas dapur... But I remembered him pouring the vinegar into the pan, that's it. I've never used vinegar in my cooking so uh, I don't know what it does. *shy*

Later in the evening, (still yesterday's evening) we both went to buy groceries at the market near to our residential. My mom offered herself to be happily at home to watch over the laundries takut hari nak hujan. I jumped happily at the thoughts of not needing to handle it, I secretly hate doing laundries... or melipat-lipat laundries... or sorting out my closet... and anything related. (T_T)

Bila dah sampai rumah tu kan, he immediately washed the meat, he cleaned the meat real good, he chopped the onions, (he chopped like a pro, dia ni pernah jadi chef agaknya) he voluntarily cooked for dinner while my mom and I were busy chomping the cakoi and popia that I bought at the bazaar. Of course, he was never a failure in doing his cooking job. The dish he cooked was so sedap, even my mom cannot lawan. Hehehehe.

I've been waiting for the right time to tell him this important sentence. Sebenarnya dari pagi lagi nak cakap tapi dia busy ke sana kemari doing the house chores but I also helped in doing the chores ok. My mom would definitely poke my eye balls if I were to goyang kaki only.

This was the very important sentence that I would like him to hear;

"Happy father's day, dad."

He smiled widely showing his um-not-so-white-teeth.

My mom looked at him while saying;

"Ooh! Patutlah rajin semacam!"

Monday, June 13, 2016

day 2 of being a newbie

This morning I had my second driving lesson at the academy. Before I left home, it was raining cats and dogs and belacan. Eh, why belacan? I tried sooo hard to get out of my comfy blanket. Belacan betul hujan ni.

I thought to myself; "Why must rain when I need to go out of the house? Why?! I don't wanna go to driving lesson. I just want to cuddle myself!!"

Nevertheless, I forced myself to get up and when the shower poured on me wallah sejuk gilaaaa! I survived the extraordinary cold shower anyway. I was all mengantuk gila on my way to the academy but hey, my dad sacrificed his punch card timing just to send me off so nah, not gonna be rude and snores like a tapir. Tehee. Sorry dad if your punch card looks ugleh for coming late to the office, it's all because of me, your manja daughter yang tak reti nak berdikari. (T_T)

As usual, I had to wait for my turn. I arrived at sharp 8 ok, yet my turn was at 9.45am so yes I was hungry nak mampos tapi macam tak sempat la pulak nak pegi makan-makan, bersiar-siar serta bermandi-manda dengan air hujan. There I was, sitting on the bench with the other students. It sounds weird naming us 'students' but it is the reality, we are students!! I didn't talk to anyone because I had a kilogram of gold inside my mouth so I just browsed through my phone. Ceh, typical youngsters nowadays lah kan.

Ok, here comes the thrilling part!!!! (Must put a lot of exclamation marks because it is very very thrilling. Hehe.) After a few minutes of wandering around the circuit, my teacher taught me to do the U-turn. I did the U-turn tanpa syak wasangka, I was all cool, I'm always cool btw.


"Girl, we're going out of the circuit later ok? You're gonna drive on the road ok?" Real road gais, with the lori-lori gergasi and whatsnot. Of course I was astonished tahap nak mengalirkan air mata but I just nodded dengan senyuman manis. I bet I looked really calm, and cool at the same time. Heheh.

Off we went, changed the gear la, pressed the brake la, pressed the minyak la, oi signal jangan lupa la, be aware of the other cars la. I think I did well, I think... Lucky for me, there weren't a lot of cars on the road as if they already knew that an innocent person like me is going to drive for the first time on the innocent road.

The seconds before I did the U-turn to drive back to the academy, there was a green Petronas tanker on the opposite way of the road and I went omagad am I going to get crushed by that giant omagad I still wanna live my life omagad!

My teacher calmly instructed; "Just go on with the U-turn. Still far away ah that lorry."

Far away?? To me, it looks like it was only 200 meters away from us, omagad. It's not that far ok, I did run for 200 meters in the solo category masa acara sukan sekolah dulu trust me it's not that far. (Padahal I was the second last person to finish the run. Huhu.)

Off we went on the road after I managed to kick the tanker's ass. Unfortunately, our car berselisih with a superrr big lorry that carries a lot piles of wood! There I go again, omagad are those woods going to fall on little creatures like us? (I drive the cute little Axia.) Omagad habislah kalau kena hempap. Penyeklah, lenyeklah macam pancake. Mom, I love you. Dad, I love you.

Hence, I started to doubt the existence of paranoia.

Fuhh! *wipes sweat although I wasn't sweating at all* We were back at the academy again. Safe, and sound.

Eh, got one thing I forgot to mention! When I was driving on the road, the teacher trusted me to increase the speed so I went at 40km/h. She wanted me to maintain the speed but... I STILL THINK IT IS SO SLOW! I WANT MORE! My right foot was so itchy to press the pedal minyak even more and more until the meter indicates 100 or at least 80. Help. 

Damn that feeling. Back then in the Asasi years I would menyumpah-seranah people who drive so fast whenever I jalan kaki around the campus.

I would always say this line; "Oi, this is a campus oi! Maximum speed is 40km/h only!!"

Saturday, June 11, 2016

si peramal cuaca

My nenek, si peramal cuaca. It was thundering here and there since the after noon. The clouds look heavy and ready enough to let out its' cry. My nenek rushed out to save the life of our laundries while I was in the loo doing a very important business.

Yes, I'm a businesswoman. Kehkehkeh.

She lured for quite some times at the back of the house calling out for our jiran's cats. Or maybe I can say stray cats that are stranded at our house because we keep feeding them with our unfinished lauk-pauk so that they won't steal ours. (And they are also very very pretty cats.)

There she was, holding the broom for no reason while looking at the gloomy sky. (Sambil berbual mesra dengan kucing-kucing jiran.)

"Waaa it must be a heavy rain there, look at how white the sky looks." She pointed out. I nodded. Oh.

She keeps on meramal the level of rainy-ness while I was busy eyeing for the super beautiful grey cat yang suka-suka je keluar masuk laman rumah orang. Ey you, no manners la! Hehe.

Not long after that, my nenek si peramal cuaca came with her big bang theory again.

"I think at pasar right now already rain la. Confirmed!"

I looked at her again, not knowing what to answer while giving a confused look. How can she just ramal things as easy as that, I thought. Is it sahih? Where did nenek get that kind of intuition? She sounds clever by the way. Hehe.

Maybe this is the elders' super power. Orang yang dah lama makan garam. I think that their instincts are way too undeniable.

Sayang nenek! *gives flying kiss*

Friday, June 10, 2016

the first of the very first

Exactly 9.30am today, was my very first time driving on the road. By the word road, I mean the circuit. Bukan electric circuit, it's the litar memandu. Hehe. I know I'm way to ketinggalan for not having a driving license despite the fact that I'm almost 20. Tu la lepas habis SPM dulu kurung diri dalam rumah kononnya nak menikmati kebebasan lepas tamat zaman persekolahan. Sekarang baru terhegeh-hegeh nak pi ambik lesen sedangkan I'm currently fighting with time.

If I don't complete everything perfectly on time, all those lesson pastu test apa-apa je lah... The conclusion is clear, I'm going back to Kuching without my driving license and I'm going to feel super devastated about that!

Not going to let that happen! Uhm... *scratches head*

I told my teacher that this is my very very first time touching the steering. (My dad won't let me touch his car's steering either. Tekan hon pun tak pernah.) She said takpe, kita belajar. But I know, deeeep way down in her heart; "I have no faith in you, girl." Bahahaha. She's nice actually. It's just my wild imagination.

I didn't feel the nervousness as I was waiting for my turn. I guess that this is just my thing now, I don't get excited too easily, and at the same time I'm just lightly nervous-but-not-that-nervous. No more butterflies in the stomach feeling, which I find quite weird? Mungkin sebab asyik kena berhadapan dengan presentation dan test dan final exam masa Asasi dulu that I already lost my nerve. Kahkah. Really, everything was so compact back in Asasi since we are supposed to complete the courses in merely a year!

Ok back to my driving lesson's story again. I felt meh. I drove like meh. I pressed the clutch and the brake like meh.

Meh = I don't care what I'm doing. I just wanted to finish this 30 minutes session as fast as possible so I can go back home and sleep soundly like a baby!

I woke up as early as 5.57am ok!

I went meh for everything since I wasn't too excited to drive anyway! Hahahahaha. Except for this one thing!! I kept on pressing the pedal minyak because the car was so slow. I cannot tahan being inside a slow car. I cannot tahan driving with speed as slow as 20km/h. Tak sedar diri newbie. Ew.

Now I must say, I'm going to be one of those not responsible people who speeds up on the road. I'm the impatience type, gais.

Let's just pray that I won't end up that way. I'm getting worried now. Ish.

Thursday, June 9, 2016

roti tendang

The other day my dad was back from work. There he was on the dining table. I went to him so that we can have our usual evening talks together with my mom while drinking some nice iced soda with a plate of kuih he bought on the way home.

"Girl, get me the roti tendang."

I squinted my eyes sambil perah otak memikirkan what on earth is 'roti tendang'. But he kept on saying roti tendang, roti tendang. And I looked at him;

"What is roti tendang?"

"It's the cake la."

"Why you call it roti tendang??"

He simply answered; "Because cake sounds like kick." Showing his teeth, thinking he's funny.

Kick = tendang/sepak

I let an awkward laugh now that I understood the joke. I secretly smiled away as I handed him the roti tendang. Don't you guys think it's quite funny? Bahahahahaha. I kept on thinking about it for the whole night. My dad being my dad. He never get mad at me unless I did something really terrible that I go kecut perut, kecut usus and all that kecut. Unlike my mom who would instantly babble at me if there's something not right with me. Hehe.

But, I love them both equally. Thanks for not letting me share your love with my another siblings. I, somehow feel proud to be the only child in the family. Hihihihi. Although a lot of times I always envy those people who have big brothers.

To think of that, I'm grateful for what God has given me and to what God will give me in the future.

Dear future husband, you better be as funny as my dad.

Monday, June 6, 2016

road to 20

Should I feel old yet?

I was back in my long house during the Gawai’s celebration. Jumpa sedare-mare. And anything related to it. It feels good to be back. Jumpa the mak ciks and pakciks the datuks and neneks.

Satu: “You already a big girl lah.”

Dua: “What are you doing now? You working or still studying?”

Tiga: “Berapa umur? Bila nak kahwin? Look at all these cousins of yours. Most of them already had 2, 3 orang anak.”

I said to myself; “CHILL.”

Yes, I’m a big girl now, confronting life in my late teenage years. The idea of approaching 20’s kinda bugs me a lot. Heheh.

For the time being, I ish officially a penganggur who lives and breathes with my parents’ money while waiting to pursue my degree in this coming September. (I pray that everything will go on smoothly. Amen.)

I’m 19. Masih belum cukup seru lagi untuk jadi menantu pilihan siapa-siapa. I ish also belum terfikir ke arah itu. Iye, I already have a lot of anak buah yang comel-comel sometimes I rasa nak gigit-gigit je diorang pastu kunyah-kunyah cus’ they are way too adorable mannn!

Looking at what life has deal me into, I’m grateful enough to wish a long-lasting happiness to everyone yang pernah datang dan pergi dalam hidup I. (This sounds cheeky. Whatevs.)

Deep inside of my hati hitam yang penuh dosa dan kejahatan yang mungkin tak pernah disedari, I feel so old. Kahkahkah! Those sepupu-sepapat of mine, we used to grow up together during our dark childhood. Luls. I remember the little and big fights that we had which in the end I was the one who ended up with teary eyes. Lepastu diorang makin naik hantu la tengok I nangis. Huhuhu. You know, kids.

Zaman tu dulu I paling benci kalau orang jelir-jelir lidah kat I. Rasa nak gosok-gosok je lidah dia dekat pagar kayu biar kena selumbar.

Time sure flies so fast.